


To Crave

by PumpkinStew



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Childhood, PTSD, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 09:54:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinStew/pseuds/PumpkinStew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Eridan Ampora and people don't understand why you're so desperate for Quadrants.</p>
<p>They thought you're just a lonely loser who's just desperate for attention.</p>
<p>They will never understand your craving for a simple touch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Crave

Alternia was a dangerous planet; filled to the brim with many dangerous monsters and enemies lurking behind every corner, fighting to survive and stay on the top of the food chain. Young grubs are abandoned after they are born, left to fend for themselves and find a good Lusus before the dangers of the planet devours them; literally.

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you're one such survivor who has managed to survive this planet while you were just a grub.

And those memories of when you're a grub were not a pretty sight, oh no.

Some always wondered what exactly made sea dwellers superior to the land dwellers. You scoff at this question, and you can only ask: "How could they not know the answer?" The answer wasn't that sea dwellers had better blood colour or because they had better Lususes, oh no.

The answer is, that they were stronger, having overcome the deadly challenges lurking in the sea.

Some had always thought that sea dwellers had a better lifestyle since young. Like one of those Mertroll movies they always talked about. You nearly threw up in disgust upon hearing what people thought a sea dweller's lifestyle would be like; singing and joking to fishes? Making lots of fish friends? Swimming around with other sea dwellers while wondering what kind of lives the land dwellers live? Complete bullshit.

A sea dwelling troll had always had a life of absolute horror.

Imagine this, one day, you wake up in a dark cave, unable to comprehend what is going on, why you're alone and why you can't see a single shit. Next thing you know, you're starving, and no one's going to come and pick you up and feed you a lovely bottle of milk, oh no.

You have to start out slowly, devouring dead fishes just laying about. Next thing you know, some monsters are chasing after you, wanting to devour you. After all, Grub flesh tastes delicious to them. In fact, anything could taste good when you're in deep murky waters with little chance of survival.

Everyday, every single fucking day, you have to run about, to get things settled. Get something to curb your hunger, something to fight off enemies with, something to help you survive.

Repeat that for a couple of cycles.

None of those bloody land dwellers would be able to survive.

And things only get worse when you've finally gotten a proper body. You see, Lususes who aren't out to drink your blood is sort of rare in the dark, cold oceans. After all, there are only so many times when you can share a delightful cup of tea with them before they went berserk and tried to kill you.

Finding the right Lusus is hard, especially when you're in dangerous waters where everything is trying to kill you.

From time to time, you meet up with other trolls, whom some you may like and some you may despise to the core.

You smile as you remembered one of the happier times you ever had, sitting down on a couple of rocks with your new acquaintances, feasting on a glorious meal of fish which you've finally managed to gorge on after two weeks of starvation You were so happy at that time, laughing with your new friends, eating a small meal as everyone recounted story after story, some funny or some downright disgusting. It didn't matter to you at that time, all that mattered was that you knew that you weren't alone in these cruel waters.

But as time went on, the number of acquaintances you had began to dwindle.

Some had left to go off on their own, some died while trying to escape a predator. Some did the worst thing, which was to betray you, leaving you to die at the hands of predators.

You've watched many acquaintances die. You yourself had been left to die. 

So when you've finally overcome the challenges the sea threw at you, when you've finally survived your horrible childhood, when you've finally found a Lusus who was going to genuinely care for you. That was only then when the loneliness and traumatic syndromes began to kick in.

Sometimes, back in your old hive, you would look out of your window and just remember the horrible memories you've made back in the ocean.

In fact, you still woke up screaming at nightmares which would terrorize you. You still cry yourself to sleep at night, trying your hardest to push those memories back into the depths of your head and just get your damned sleep.

And as time went on, you just began to feel more and more lonelier.

After all, who wouldn't be lonely after facing so much hardship? Who wouldn't feel a craving for a gentle touch after so many years, when the only touch you've ever gotten was when a monster was clawing at you, or when you've gotten injured? Who wouldn't feel lonely after so many years of drifting about aimlessly in the ocean, simply trying to survive?!

You craved for just the simplest touches, be it the brushing of hands, the touch on the shoulder, a hand to hold yours; a touch to let you know, that you've survived, that you've finally done it.

The others can laugh at how desperate you are. The others can look at you with disgust. The others can mock you, humiliate you and talk about how you've always led the easier life, when that isn't true.

You could really care less.

Your name is Eridan Ampora and people don't understand why you're so desperate for Quadrants.

They thought you're just a lonely loser who's just desperate for attention.

They will never understand your craving for a simple touch.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wondered why exactly Eridan has been desperate for quadrants. One day, while watching a sealife documentary, I realized that the sea isn't exactly the most safest place. Oh no, it can be the deadliest.
> 
> So wouldn't it make sense for someone to be lonely and desire for someone to be with them, after years of living in a dangerous and lonely place?
> 
> This is just a personal headcanon of mine. Sorry if there are any errors of anything. I'm a new fan (3-5 months?) to Homestuck and I'm still a bit shaky on details.


End file.
